4 Poems
Emily Stearns

"Reach for The Sky"
Wyatt Penniston
I’m mean to myself
I walk around getting jealous of all the girls getting the attention I want
Maybe I’m not funny enough
Or pretty enough
Or smart enough
Or hot enough
But I want to be
I break myself down because I want what I don’t have
I want the confidence to not need the attention
I want the love I never got as a child
I want the love I will never get
I want
I want
I want
I want it
I want it all and I’m scared I won’t get it
I’m scared I’ll never feel safe
I’m scared I’ll never love myself in my own skin
I’m scared
I worry about not getting the future I want
Not getting the love I think I deserve
Not getting the happiness I dream of having
I’m worried I will never get what I want
Because I give the love that I will never have
Emptiness
She’s my best friend
She always sticks by my side
She’s the only person that has ever stuck around this long
She’s comforting
She always finds her way back to me
Even when I don’t want her
I hate you for not being who I needed you to be
Who you were supposed to be
You are supposed to love your child
You never loved me
You hurt me
Over
And over
And over again
You taught me no one can love me
How is anyone supposed to love me if you can’t
How am I supposed to live with that guilt
The guilt of not being enough
Even for you
Do you ever ask yourself why people can’t love you forever
What do you do to make them leave
Are you loving too much
Not enough
Wondering if you’ll ever be good enough for someone
But do you ask yourself if you weren’t the problem
What were they going through to not be able to love you
Did they not love themselves enough
Did they love you too much
We always turn on ourselves when people hurt us
We hurt ourselves because we believe we deserve it
The day you realize it wasn’t your fault is the day you allow yourself to be set free
You allow yourself to finally heal
You allow yourself to know it wasn’t your fault
Stop asking yourself what you did wrong and start asking yourself how will I become better
It happened for a reason
To help you grow
To help you realize your self-worth
To help you become who you’re meant to be
Because if you can’t be your number one supporter
You will never make it in this lonely world