I’m mean to myself 

I walk around getting jealous of all the girls getting the attention I want 

Maybe I’m not funny enough 

Or pretty enough 

Or smart enough 

Or hot enough 

But I want to be 

I break myself down because I want what I don’t have 

I want the confidence to not need the attention 

I want the love I never got as a child 

I want the love I will never get

I want 

I want 

I want 

I want it 

I want it all and I’m scared I won’t get it 

I’m scared I’ll never feel safe

I’m scared I’ll never love myself in my own skin

I’m scared

I worry about not getting the future I want 

Not getting the love I think I deserve 

Not getting the happiness I dream of having

I’m worried I will never get what I want 

Because I give the love that I will never have

 

Emptiness 

She’s my best friend 

She always sticks by my side 

She’s the only person that has ever stuck around this long

She’s comforting 

She always finds her way back to me 

Even when I don’t want her

 

I hate you for not being who I needed you to be

Who you were supposed to be 

You are supposed to love your child

You never loved me 

You hurt me

Over 

And over 

And over again

You taught me no one can love me

How is anyone supposed to love me if you can’t 

How am I supposed to live with that guilt 

The guilt of not being enough 

Even for you

 

Do you ever ask yourself why people can’t love you forever

What do you do to make them leave

Are you loving too much

Not enough

Wondering if you’ll ever be good enough for someone

But do you ask yourself if you weren’t the problem 

What were they going through to not be able to love you

Did they not love themselves enough 

Did they love you too much

We always turn on ourselves when people hurt us

We hurt ourselves because we believe we deserve it

The day you realize it wasn’t your fault is the day you allow yourself to be set free

You allow yourself to finally heal

You allow yourself to know it wasn’t your fault

Stop asking yourself what you did wrong and start asking yourself how will I become better

It happened for a reason 

To help you grow

To help you realize your self-worth

To help you become who you’re meant to be

Because if you can’t be your number one supporter 

You will never make it in this lonely world